Wow, this poster is so amazing! Unlike the actual film.
Plot:
In 1954, Godzilla did what he did and burned down Tokyo, and thanks to his plot armor, Daisuke Serizawa decided not to sacrifice himself and his worthless Oxygen Destroyer. He then came back in 1966 to feed off of nuclear energy, before coming back once again in 1996 to feast on plasma energy. Oh, and by the way, he killed main lady protagonist's friend because she refused to quit firing the obviously useless RPG missiles at him. I'm already getting flashbacks to Godzilla versus Mechagodzilla, 2002 version, and it's been like two or three years since I've last watched it.
Year 2001 and Godzilla comes back for some reason. But this time, humanity has a little surprise for him. Brace yourselves, because it's surely gonna shock you - a freaking black hole gun. Except unlike retards in KOTM, these people actually test the fucking thing before mindlessly raping the ecosystem. Also, a small child (I'll call him Shinji, because he's not name-dropped anywhere in the film) happens to see the whole thing, and military just lets the brat go after he sees the top-secret operation that could potentially destroy a whole planet.
The experiment obviously goes wrong, creating a wormhole in time and bringing in the most worthless Godzilla movie antagonist ever - Meganula. The insect stalks the city for a while, killing a random couple before reproducing on a mass scale and swarming the whole city. They then proceed to fight Godzilla, draining him off his DNA and committing seppuku by jumping into water. Megaguirus is then awaken, briefly laying waste to the city before instantly engaging Godzilla into a fight.
The said confrontation is so absurdly bad and stupid that it makes Megalon shroud in fear. At one point, Megaguirus stabs Godzilla in the crotch with her stinger, looking as sexual as it sounds. Also, the whole film so far has been portraying Godzilla as this slow, massive creature like his 2014 self, and then he jumps like six miles to the air and two-shots Megaguirus. Exactly sixteen minutes before the movie ends.
Military then decides to do the smartest thing anyone could possibly in these movies - they proceed to fire a fucking black hole IN THE MIDDLE OF A POPULATED CITY. Return of Godzilla and Shin were all about how politically screwed Japan would be without Tokyo, how mass destruction weapon will literally wipe them clear off the face of the Earth. These assholes just fire it without a second thought. Even MonsterVerse characters weren't so mind-nauseatingly retarded, at least they didn't know Ghidorah was apocalypse-inducing alien prior to releasing him.
Black hole gun then falls from the orbit and military chick decides to kamikaze it before it blows up the city. Because its oil has run out. She catapults herself before the impact. Everyone then celebrates Godzilla's death, SpongeBob-style, not giving a crap about their capital's destruction. Then Godzilla is revealed alive in the post-credit scene.
Characters:
I haven't really talked about the characters in this film, have I? Because they aren't really name-dropped or anything, I'll just refer to them by NGE names.
-Misato Katsuragi (the military chick). Her partner died tried to save her from Godzilla. She's apparently in love with Kaji. She gets roasted by Shinji, who can't comprehend the fact that a woman can fight with Godzilla. She’s immune to radiation, given that she can literally climb on Godzilla to place a tracker on him. She decides to prevent a black hole gun from entering the atmosphere, even through it was already falling apart and on fire.
-Ryoji Kaji (the long-haired dude). Computer geek and excellent programmer, made an animated nurse model in bootleg 1990’s screen. Is in love with Misato, mocking her for going to the gym. Gets his arm broken somewhere in the film. Catapults her out of objection at the end of the film.
-Shinji Ikari (the child). A sexist schoolboy who looks exactly like Shinji Ikari in episode 21, sees black hole gun activated for the first time, which is the reason why he’s stalked by Meganula initially. Quickly gets removed from the film, before reappearing in post-credit scene, (hopefully) getting killed by Godzilla.
-Gendo Ikari (the leader). An arrogant dude who gets bitchslapped by Misato at the end of the film, blamed for killing hundreds of people because he worked in secret on plasma power plant. Ironically, his actor has actually dropped off of high-school. Reappers as Xillien Leader in Final Wars.
-Godzilla (the lizard). The radioactive asshole who randomly attacks Japan. Hates science, destroying science building at the end for no apparent reason. Can magically respawn after being devoured by black hole.
-Ritsuko Akagi (the scientist). Most forgettable character in the film, doesn’t do anything noteworthy.
-Megaguirus. By far the worst “main” titular antagonist in Godzilla movies. Controls a swarm of badly-rendered CGI mantises, can emit ear-piercing sounds from her wings, and can fire an energy ball that can glitch Godzilla for two minutes before making him fall down. Speaking of balls, loves to stab lizards in the balls. Gets murdered within like three minutes by Godzilla, sixteen minutes before the movie ends.
Rating:
-Plot-wise, it’s terrible. Initially, the film tries to be creative and edgy by recreating city destruction scenes from 1954 Godzilla, for absolutely no reason. Why does it always have to be 1954? It doesn’t serve any plot purposes, all it does is confuse the casual viewers. G might as well as first appeared in 1966 and nothing would change. The main antagonist is laughable and redundant, much like Godzilla in Battle for Earth. The whole film bases around people trying to kill lizard with a freaking black hole, completely violating the laws of physics, even for the standards of the series. Characters are beyond absolutely retarded, making MonsterVerse characters look like a freaking Einsteins.
-Special effects are the worst I’ve ever seen from Godzilla. It’s like the filmmakers just tried to trash-talk 1998 and fell on their faces with CGI, especially in the scene where soldiers attempt to exterminate Meganulons with machine guns. Godzilla’s suit is reused from the previous film, his movements feel stiff and awkward during the fight scenes. And the color palette of this film? Sterile and neutral, even less eye-catching than 2014.
This movie is just so damn bad. I don't want to sit there anymore. 3/10, solely because characters were still marginally better than in 2014.
